Kingdom Hearts: The End that Never Happened
by Rabid Pink Bunny
Summary: Just when they thought life wasn't better... Just when Sora thought it coulden't get any worse. The old gang is together again, and being swept into new worlds in order to save another. (An extremely crazy KH fic, I warn you.)
1. The Beginning of Insanity

Kingdom Hearts: The End that Never Happened   
Chapter 1  
  
Rabid Pink Bunny: Hello people, and welcome to probably the craziest Kingdom Hearts fanfic you'll ever read.  
  
Tiger: That's right; CRAZY! And when we say crazy we mean... uh, CRAZY! XD   
  
Rabid Pink Bunny: o.o; ... Yes, Tiger. So anyhoo... This story features, uh...the end that never happened. You might soon find out that this is a cross between romance between a couple you'll shoot us for, and complete, extreme randomness.  
  
Tiger: And some other stuff-- HEY! Wait, I don't wanna be shot at! *hides behind Kim-Kim* It was all HER idea!! I swear! Anyhoo, it's gonna weird, so... uh, yesh... -_-;; Kim-Kim?  
  
Rabid Pink Bunny: *cry* I ADMIT! IT WAS MY IDEA! ALL MY IDEA!! *sob* TAKE ME, BUT DON'T TAKE TIGER-CHAN!!  
  
Tiger: Oo; *blinks* Yeah, actually it was both our ideas. But, Kim-Kim came up with the couple. But we both go to laugh insanely over it! So, anyway... We mostly worry that this isn't gonna end. XD  
  
Osaka KeroChan: *beams* Yup! I'm one to make up extremely wierd couples, but oh well! Well, before this opening note gets too long, hope you enjoy the show, and uh...I guess reviews are welcome. Any last words, Tiger?  
  
Tiger: PUDDING! *dances in squares*  
  
Osaka KeroChan: ^__^;  
  
Tiger: It was a word, wasn't it?  
  
More notes you probably don't care about: This story was written by Rabid Pink Bunny and ojamajo-tigereye. It's underneath Rabid Pink Bunny's account, because, uh.... Because. So HAH! Also, this story might be a bit OOC and some things might be wrong and out of the story. But we don't care. And neither do you.  
  
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The sun beamed through the window of Sora's room as he opened them. "Oh geez...morning already?" He rolled out of bed, stretched, yawned, did all the nice shiznot you do in the morning, and looked out the window. Out in the distance he could see the island - Destiny Islands - where everybody always was.  
  
Sora smiled. "I wonder if Kairi's there." He quickly got dressed, and ran out to the shore, quickly getting into his boat and heading off.  
  
He rowed, and rowed, and rowed some more, until he got there. Unfortunatly, he crashed into the lovely li'l island by the name of Destiny, and went flying into the sand.  
  
"My life is sh--"  
  
"SORA!" Kairi ran out from behind something to greet him. "Hi! Why do you have your head in the sand, Sora? Huh? Huh? Huh?"  
  
'Sometimes I wonder WHY I got her emotions back...' He sighed, and stood up. "Oh, no reason. You seem happy Kairi. Why is that?"  
  
Kairi blushed a bit, "Ooooh, I dunno... C'mon!" She ran in the opposite direction and right into a tree.  
  
"Dear, sweet, Jesus..." Sora sighed.  
  
"Huh. I don't remember that tree being there!" Kairi said.  
  
"...Kairi, this is the same dang tree that the treehouse has always been in." Sora groaned.   
  
Kairi giggled. "Oh yeah! I guess my mind is on a lot of things lately."  
  
"Really? Like what?" Sora asked. "Are you still thinking about the Heartless and all that crap?" He put his fist to his chest in a saluting kind of way. "Well don't worry, I'm here, right?"  
  
Kairi smiled, "Aw, thank you, Sora, but--"  
  
All of a sudden a very load, ANNOYING sound was heard, as Goofy fell from the tree. Y'know that really weird sound he makes? The "a-ha-ha-hoy~~~~" or whatever it is. I hate that sound. ; Anyhoo, like the idiot he is, he fell out of the tree house thingie.  
  
Sora blinked, "What the...?"  
  
Kairi's eyes widened, "GOOFY!" She quickly jumped ontop of him and started hugging the stuffing out of him.  
  
Sora stood there, dumbfounded. "Uh... Wow... That's really... not right at the the least, microscopic bit..."  
  
"By gawrsh, what was that?" Goofy asked. "Last thing I knew I was at the castle, and then I fell from this tree!"  
  
Sora continued staring Kairi, who was literaly choking Goofy through her hugs. "Um... hopefully there's a logical explaination for this..."  
  
"Oh Goofy!!" Kairi squealed. "I'm so glad you're here! I missed you, my shining knight in armor!"  
  
"Well, I never had any armor..." Goofy sheepishly said.  
  
Sora heaved a sigh. "Can sombody explain to me why Kairi is hugging the living daylights out of him?"  
  
Riku walked out from behind a the tree. "By the looks of it... It looks like she really likes him..."  
  
Sora started to ask, "And where the hell did YOU come from?", but decided against when he heard Riku's theory. Instead he went for something like "WHAAAAAAAAAAT?!"  
  
Kairi blushed a bit, "Um, yeah, I kinda REALLY like Goofy." She continued to hug him to death.  
  
"Uh... Hate to bother you Miss Kairi, but I can't *UGH* breath..."  
  
Riku smirked "Toldja."  
  
"B-but Kairi! I-I...I thought...you...and me..uh..." Sora studdered.  
  
"But back in Traverse Town, whenever I first saw him, I thought he was so...so brave!" Kairi admitted. "To be a knight must take a lot of courage!"   
  
"I knew I should've shared the paoupou fruit with Kairi..." Sora muttered. "What about all those times in the Secret Place then?! HUH?!"  
  
"Oh, don't be silly, Sora." Kairi replied. "We're still friends, right?"  
  
Riku seemed to laugh inside. "This is so disturbingly....funny."  
  
Sora looked ready to cry, "But... but..."  
  
Kairi was still hugging the crap out of Goofy and Riku looked quite amused.   
  
"Interesting... Well, Sora, my old friend, I suppose you should give up now!"   
  
Sora's eyes burned. He wasn't crying, but, MAN, was he pissed. "NO WAY!" He pulled out his Keyblade out of nowhere. "Goofy!!!"  
  
Goofy looked up, trying to see, "Uh.. Yes?"  
  
"Uh..." Sora blinked, "I challenge you to... Um, DUEL! Yeah, that's it!"  
  
Riku blinked, "You people are weird..."  
  
It took Riku a while, but it suddenly dawned upoun him. "Hold on, Sora, how did you get the Keyblade back? And how the hell did Goofy get here in the first place?!"  
  
Sora blinked. "I dunno. But this thing kicks ass, so I don't care!"  
  
"Sora, you don't have to fight Goofy!" Kairi cried. "You're not going to win my heart over fighting!"  
  
"Really...if you kill Goofy, she'll just be majorly pissed at you." Riku added.  
  
"....Sometimes I really hate you two, y'know that?" Sora growled.  
  
Goofy finnaly managed to escape Kairi's grasp, then scratched his head. "Well, I don't know how I got here, actually. One day I was frolicking in the castle garden, then something went wierd and I fell outta that tree!"  
  
"What went weird?" Riku asked. Then he blinked, "Frolicking?" He cocked an eyebrow.  
  
Sora leaned over and whispered, "Told ya he was fruity," into Riku's ear.  
  
"Get away from me." Riku pushed Sora away. "Well?"  
  
Goofy looked thoughtful for a minute and then looked up, "Um... it was weird."  
  
Riku and Sora sweatdropped.   
  
"Um, yeah..." Sora sighed.  
  
All of a sudden there was another big thud. And Donald was sitting at the foot of the tree.  
  
Kairi blinked, "Donald?"  
  
Donald jumped up, looking pissed and began spitting his sentences out in a jumble of stuff that you really can't hear... O.o; But, since I'm lazy, I'm gonna make it readable.  
  
"I don't know!"   
  
Sora facefaulted. "Um, looks like tha gang's all here. But... why?"   
  
Everyone's faces went blank. There was a long, akward silence.   
  
"....Okay, since nobody knows WHY Goofy and Donald just magically appeared here..." Sora added.  
  
"Ooh...come to think of it, this place is pretty with all the palm trees and the nice sand..." Goofy randomly commented. "Wow, without Ansem around here, this place is a perfect paradise! Perfect for growing pretty flowers and trees..."  
  
Riku coughed. "And you actually saved all the known-worlds out there with these freaks, Sora?"  
  
Sora shrugged. "I didn't have much of a choice."  
  
"Goofy!" Kairi squealed...again. "Lets runaway and get married!"  
  
Goofy blinked. "Uh, sure Miss Kairi."  
  
Sora's eyes widened, "WHAT?!?! But, but... KAIRI! I can't believe... I mean... Oh, heckidoodles, I'm gonna say it... KAIRI, I LOVE YOU!"  
  
Everyone just stared at Sora. His face was bright red. "Uh..."  
  
Riku looked like he might actually laugh. But didn't. Y'know....  
  
Suddenly, before anyone could say anything a really BRIGHT light flashed, and this REALLY pretty lady began floating there.  
  
"Please... Save my world!"  
  
Sora blinked, "Uh, okie."   
  
'Anything to get what I just said off everyone's mind.' he thought.  
  
There was another bright flash and all five... beings were carried away.  
  
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	2. Purple Worlds and Fish

Kingdom Hearts: The End that Never Happened  
Chapter 2  
  
And this, friends and fellow KH fans, is where the crazy shiznot REALLY begins to kick up....  
  
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Suddenly, they were all somewhere else. It was very purple in that somewhere else. Man, it was hard to see...  
  
"Man, it's hard to see." Sora observed.  
  
Thanks a lot for stealing my line comb-less boy.  
  
"Shut up, author!"  
  
Meanie. =P  
  
Sora threw raspberries at the author. Then, he was hit my a very large fly swatter. He fell over and passed out. No one noticed.  
  
Donald sat up and looked around, "Gawd, it's purple here."  
  
"I don't know..." Goofy said, "I like it."  
  
Riku sighed, "Fruit."  
  
Then, all of a sudden, that pretty lady appeared again, "You must first split into pairs!"  
  
"But there's five of us... That's impossible!" Donald observed.  
  
"Then, I'm off... Alone!" Riku disseappered into the purple ness of it all.  
  
Donald looked at Goofy, and he shrugged. He looked back at the still unconcious Sora and Kairi. "Anything to get away from her."  
  
They wandered off.  
  
The pretty lady giggled, and began disseappering again, until she noticed how close Sora and Kairi were laying. She moved them closer, and fully dissappeared.  
  
"She's gonna be soooo pissed at him when they wake up." Pretty lady observed.  
  
Of course, after Riku went off alone (for the sake of his sanity), then Donald and Goofy went off, some time had to pass by. Because, well, usualy time does.   
  
The Pretty Lady chuckled and dissapeared into the World of the Purple. As planned, Kairi and Sora began to regain concious. Like any normal cliché, it took them two a minute or two to grasp on in the situation they were put in.  
  
"Oh...OH MY GOD!" Kairi cried, immidiately jumping up.  
  
'Aw, shucks.' Sora thought. "Kairi, where are we?"  
  
"Well, I know it's purple..." Kairi answered. "Oh no! Where's my Goofy?"  
  
"For the love of all good things in this world..." Sora spat. "Well, I guess we better go look for them."  
  
Kairi and Sora began walking. Where, they didn't know, but something strange was about to happen right after they noticed a person who looked like a fish in the distance.  
  
"FISHIE!!!!!!" Kairi squealed, RIGHT in Sora's ear, knocking him over.  
  
"Way to go, Kairi... Let's make ourselves as visible as possible." He sighed and followed Kairi who was running over to "FISHIE".  
  
The fish person stopped, waved, and walked over to meet them, "HI! Welcome to Purple World (For... lack of a beter name...), I'm Fishie! Infact everyone here is named Fishie! I--OMFPH!"  
  
Fishie, in question, was prompty knocked over by Kairi tackling him/her/it and squeeling until his ears... Er, gills started bleeding.  
  
Sora came over and pried her off, "Sweetie, you have problems."  
  
"BUT, BUT, it's a FISHIE! Named FISHIE! And it's just sooooooo cute!! But, not cuter than Goofy, and-- HEY! Who are you calling 'sweetie'?"  
  
Sora blushed, "Uh, you, obviously..."  
  
Kairi frowned and stomped her foot on the ground. "Well don't call me 'sweetie'! I'm not your sweetheart!" Kairi's eyes suddenly became all sparkly and full of love. "My only sweetheart is Goofy! I'm so glad our paths have intervined! Without his presence, without his sweet love..."  
  
"OKAY, okay...we get it..." Sora interrupted. "So...'Fishie'... have you seen anyone here that would logically seem that they would be with us?"  
  
Fishie put his fin to his...uh...'chin', and thought for a moment. "Hmmm....nope. But I bet Fishie has seen him!"  
  
"WHICH Fishie?" Sora muttered.  
  
"You know, FISHIE." Fishie replied.  
  
Sora put his hand to his forehead. "This is going to be the longest frickin' day of my frickin' screwed up life..."  
  
Fishie shruged, "Follow me."  
  
Kairi skipped along behind Fishie and Sora followed, his hands shoved in his pocket, muttering to himself. "My life sucks, I have to talk to a fish, human, thing... Kairi hates me, but I love her... And I told her infront of everyone... Wow, my life really does suck..."  
  
Suddenly he slammed right into Kairi, which caused her to go flying into Fishie, who went flying into another THING that was infront of Fishie.  
  
"OW~~!" Kairi moaned. "GET OFF OF ME SORA!!!"   
  
Sora quickly jumped up, offering a hand to Kairi, who smacked it away, and stood up. The other two fish people stood up, too.  
  
"Everyone," Fishie said, "This is... Fishie!"  
  
Sora sighed. He looked to the sky, "Pretty lady... Kill me?"  
  
The Pretty Lady suddenly appeared out of no-where. "Sorry kid. But you're going to save my damn world, and you're going to do it without my help!" She then dissapeared without a trace.  
  
"Hey, Fishie?" Sora called.  
  
"Huzzamawhat?" Both fishies answered at once.  
  
"....Okay, which one of you knows where I can get a gun, katana, or any weapon of some sort?" Sora asked.  
  
"Oh, we don't have weapons in Purple World!" both the fishies chimed. "We're a peace loving place, full of everything purple!"  
  
Kairi looked blankly at Sora. "Why would you need a weapon anyway, Sora?"   
  
"F-forget it..."   
  
"So Sora, what do you wish to ask me?" Fishie 2 asked.  
  
"Well, Kairi and me sorta woke up on eachother-" Kairi beamed a death glare when he said that. "and now we're kinda looking for our friends. They sorta look like us, 'cept one is a duck who you can't understand and the other is some dog sorta thing..."  
  
"He's my beloved Goofy! He's strong, and handsome, and he's a knight!" Kairi gleamed.  
  
"Um, yeah. Any idea?" Sora finished.  
  
Both Fishies looked thoughful.  
  
"Well," said the original Fishie, "do you know Fishie?"  
  
"No, Fishie, I'm afraid I don't. Well, I'm sorry, but I doubt, Fishie, Fishie, or Fishie, would know, so I guess we have to leave! Pip, pip, cheerio people!" And the two Fishies dissappeared.  
  
Sora and Kairi fell over at the same time, and looked at each other.   
  
"We're screwed." Sora observed.  
  
"Yes." Kairi agreed. She sat up and started crying like someone had just stolen her favorite lollipop. (lol... favorite lollipop XD)  
  
Sora blinked, "Uh... Kairi?"  
  
"I-I... I WANT GOOFY!" Kairi screamed and continued crying.  
  
Sora looked annoyed, "Well, your knight isn't here, so I guess I'll have to do for now!" He spat.  
  
Kairi cringed and looked away from him, crying harder.  
  
Sora sighed, "Kairi, look... I didn't mean to yell at you..." He moved closer to her.  
  
"Where did Goofy go...?!" Kairi cried.  
  
Sora sighed. "Well....come on. We still have to search for them. I'll stick with you, no matter what, okay?"  
  
Kairi sniffed a few times and rubbed her watery eyes. "Fine. But you have to promise me you'll find Goofy!"  
  
"....Oh...allright." Sora said.   
  
The couple got up, and continued walking. Of course, Kairi only went with Sora because she thought he was going to try to find Goofy. So, while these two continue, lets see what Riku is up to....  
  
"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?!" Riku screeched.   
  
"Is there something wrong?" Another Fishie asked.  
  
Riku glared at the Fishie, "You're an idiot."  
  
"Thank you!" Fishie exclaimed.  
  
Riku's face connected with the dirt.  
  
Fishie looked down at him, "Why are you on the grouns, sir... Um, what was your name... Don't think I caught it...?"  
  
"That's because I didn't throw it..." Riku stood up. "I'm Riku."  
  
The fish duder smiled, "Nice to meet you Riku, I'm Fishie!"  
  
Riku blinked, "Fishie?"  
  
"Yes, well, you see, everyone in my..."  
  
Ah, we'll skip the intro, since we know this already. Fast forward.  
  
"...but, we're actually in a lot of trouble. You see, our princess..."  
  
Wait!! Rewind!!  
  
"You mean we have to go through MORE crap with princesses and what not?" Riku moaned.  
  
"Um...yes! I mean...no! Uh..." Fishie studdered. "Well, our princess has been turned into a cheese sandwich, and now she's trying to dictate our land and .... she wants to make it all YELLOW!" Fishie began to cry. "Now she's all mean when she used to be nice!"  
  
Riku scratched his head. "...What's wrong with yellow?"  
  
"But purple is such a fascinating color, don't you think?" Fishie asked.  
  
"Everybody here are such fruits..." Riku added.  
  
"No, actually we're poultry!" Fishie corrected.  
  
Riku took a piece of random wood lying around and bashed his head upoun it. "You-" *THONK!* "guys-" *BAM! "are-" *BOOM!* "NINCOMPOOPS!"  
  
The Fishie paassed out and dropped to the ground in front of Riku.  
  
"I'd cute off his head as a trophy, but I DON'T want to see what makes him tic..."  
  
All of a sudden another Fishie dropped from a tree, "Hello~!"  
  
"KYA~~~!" Riku fell over backwards and smacked his head on a rock. "I am SO out of here... God, now I sound fruity..."   
  
And so Riku ran.  
See Riku run  
Riku runs fast.  
Run, Riku, run...  
  
Um... yeah... Anyhoo...  
  
So as Riku ran he smacked straight into something.  
  
"GOLLY GEE!! What was that?" Another voice said.  
  
Riku rubbed his head and looked up at the something he ran into, only to find something that looked like a gerbil. "Huh? I thought everybody here were those stupid fish guys..."  
  
"Oh, now, now. Don't be silly." The gerbil guy said. "Well...actually I come from a different place. I was sent here to give somebody...oh...forgot his name already. Dear me..." He adjusted his small glasses upoun his face, and took out a small piece of paper from his coat. He squinted at the words. "Oh, somebody named... Ree...Ree koo? Oh deary. Do you know someone named Ree Koo? I'm here to give him some nice, big sword thing to help him on his journey. I also need to give his friends something too..."  
  
Riku blinked. "Of all the wierd coincedinces... For one thing, it's RIKU. R-I-K-U. And another, I'M him...."  
  
The gerbil guy smiled. "Why deary me! This must be my lucky day! Hold on, young chap." He began clapping his hands together, chanting some wierd spell kind of thing. Suddenly, his hands became sparkly, and a boat ore appeared in his hands! "Here's your sword, young fellow."  
  
Riku took the ore and stared at it, confused. "This isn't a sword you moron! This is a boat paddle!"   
  
"What? Boat paddle?" The gerbil guy echoed. "Surely, I don't know what this 'boat paddle' is. Everybody knows that that's what a sword is..."  
  
"Oh for the love of God..." Riku growled.  
  
The gerbil guy just smiled, "Anyway, do you have any friends you are on this journey with?"  
  
"Who says I'm on a journey..." Riku mummbled, "Yeah, yeah, I'll take their stuff to them."  
  
"Nonsense, nonsense. Here." Gerbil Guy handed him a pretty fancy looking cross bow. "This is for... Oh, deary... KAI... RE... Kaylee?"  
  
"Kairi?" Riku blinked.  
  
"Yes, yes, that's it! Hold it, close your eyes, concentrate of her image, and say her name." Gerbil said.  
  
Riku rolled his eyes, "Whatever." He closed his eyes and picture Kairi's face, "Kairi."   
  
In a not-so-fancy puff of smoke, the weapon dissappeared.  
  
Riku cocked an eyebrow, "That wasn't very interesting."  
  
Gerbil sighed, "I know. Now..."  
  
He continued handing out weapons until he was... out. Goofy got a sword (that looked strangely like a golf club) and Donald got sythes (that looked like hedge clippers).   
  
"There you go, young man."  
  
Riku sighed, "I hate my life..."  
  
"I think that would be all of them." The gerbil guy said.  
  
"Huh? Isn't Sora supposed to get some sorta weapon too?" Riku asked.  
  
"Nonsence, nonsence..." He replied. "He's still got the legendary weapon of Kingdom Hearts, does he not?"  
  
"....I SO hate you." Riku threatened.  
  
The gerbil guy smiled and adjusted his glasses again. "Well, now that I've completed my part, I've got to report back to the Council! Tally-ho!" He then hopped off into the distance, leaving Riku with nothing but a... sword that resembled a boat paddle.  
  
"Uhg, this is pathedic. I don't need any boat paddle, and I certainly am not on a journey." Riku tossed the paddle behind him and began to walk off. Before he got far, however, the 'sword' began glowing and threw itself right into Riku's back, sending him to the ground. Apparently, Riku's new weapon didn't want to be left behind.  
  
"SORA!!" Riku screeched.  
  
Meanwhile...!  
  
"Huh? Kairi, did you hear that?" Sora asked.  
  
"Hear what?" Kairi asked back.  
  
Sora looked around, observing the surrounding scenery. "I don't know, it sounded like an extremely pissed Riku yelling my name at the top of his lungs. Oh well, must be my imagination."  
  
"Yeah. It's almost as wierd as getting this cross bow out of nowhere." Kairi said.  
  
Sora nodded, "Hey, that thing is pretty cool. Can I take a looks at it...?" He reached over to touch it.  
  
Kairi's eyes widened, and she pulled it away just as Sora went to touch it. This, inevitably, made him fall into her, knocking them both to the ground, Sora on top.  
  
"SORA!!" Kairi screetched, "GET OFF OF..." she drifted off as she opened her eyes and looked up. Sora was starring at her. "S-sora...?"  
  
He leaned closer slightly, knowing he would be in pain when this was all over with, but not really caring.  
  
"SORA~~~!!!"   
  
Suddenly a sword (that stangely resembled a boat paddle) smacked Sora in the back of the head. This immeditally caused him to lurch forward, and insteady of gently kissing Kairi, having his face smashed right into hers.  
  
Kairi screamed, pushed Sora off, and started beating him to a blood pulp. Riku ran over and joined in.  
  
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	3. A Cheese Sandwich for a Princess

Kingdom Hearts: The End that Never Happened  
Chapter 3  
  
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While Kairi was beating the living crap out of Sora from pure fustration, Riku infact, was having lots of fun. One way or another though, Sora managed to escape the enraged Kairi and convinced Riku not to beat him up.   
  
"We-we still need to find Donald and Goofy." Sora panted, once the two were finished.  
  
Kairi's eyes gleamed. "That's right! My loved Goofy, I shall find you soon!"  
  
Riku sighed.   
  
And then...!  
  
"Goofy, will you stop dancing around in that field of purple flowers!?" Donald demanded. "We must find a way back to Kingdom Hearts, and apoligize to the king for our absence!"  
  
"Gawrsh, Donald, but this is so much fun!" Goofy sang as he danced around.  
  
Donald gave a scowl, grabbing on to his new 'scythe', and chanting some magic spells to see if they would transport them back. Apparently, his magic spells seemed to have no effect in this strange, new place full of these wierd fish creatures.  
  
Donald sighed and smacked his "sythes" on a nearby tree. "Work, stupid thing..."  
  
Goofy continued to frolic, until, suddenly he dissappeard. And that *REALLY* annoying sounds he makes was heard. Donald looked up, and noticed him missing.  
  
"Where in the Walt Disney World did he go?" Donald walked over to the spot were he last saw Goofy standing, and promptly fell down a hole. A few feet infront of him, he saw Goofy sliding along, merrily yelling "WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!"  
  
Donald sweatdropped, "Where is this thing going to take us?"  
  
Meanwhile...  
  
Kairi hugged her crossbow and jumped in happy circles, "We're going to find my beloved Goofy! My beloved Goofy that... LOVE!" She sang.  
  
Riku smirked at Sora, "You really should have shared that paoupaou fruit with her... She might have turn out a little less... nuts."  
  
Sora smashed Riku on the top of the head with his key. "Shaddup."  
  
Riku held his boat paddle in a snazzy way. "Hey you! I have a boat paddle, and I know how to use it!"  
  
Sora withdrew the Keyblade as well. "Oh? And how is your STICK going to withstand the force of the Keyblade?!"  
  
Before Sora and Riku could continue, an arrow came zooming by, then struck a tree, scaring the living daylights out of the boys. "Oooh! How neat!" came a squeal from the distance.  
  
Suddenly, out of nowhere, two beings fell from the sky and hit Sora and Riku right on their head. "Heheh...oops, sorry about that."  
  
"Get offa me you stupid duck!" Riku yelled.  
  
Donald quickly jumped off and dusted off his shirt. "Well excuse me..."  
  
"G-GOOFY!!" Kairi gaped, running full speed towards her beloved. "I missed you sooooo much!"  
  
While Kairi took the honors of crash tackling Goofy to the ground and letting Sora breathe again, he stayed on the ground, wanting to cry at any moment.  
  
And so he did. Very loud, heart wrentching sobs that made everyone stop and stare at him.  
  
"Um, Sora...?" Kairi asked. She felt sorry for him.   
  
"You idiot." Riku smacked him in a spiffy way with his boat paddle. "Shut up."  
  
And shut him up it did. It knocked him out cold.   
  
"Oops..." Riku blinked, "Well, let's go!" He began walking away.  
  
"Wait!" Kairi jumped up and away from Goofy, "What about him?" She pointed to Sora.  
  
"Let him rot." Riku spat, "Besides..." he grabbed Kairi by the waist, "...then *I* get to be the hero, and I get you." He smiled at her.  
  
Kairi slapped him, "I WANT GOOFY!" She reattached herself to Goofy's arm.  
  
Riku rubbed the red slap mark on his cheek, "Ouch... meanie..."  
  
Donald blinked, "I'm sorry, but did Riku just say 'meanie'?"   
  
Riku looked embarrassed, "Um..."  
  
Donald gave him a smug look, "Who are you calling fruits?"  
  
The Pretty Lady appeared again, staring down at the group. "Now that you have completed your first objective by containing your weapons, you are now to complete your next course of action. Save the princess, and all of Purple World, and I shall tell you what to do next..." With some spiffy sparkles, snazzy effects, and neat little things, the Pretty Lady dissapeared.  
  
"Save the princess?" Donald questioned. "What princess?"  
  
Riku heavily sighed. "Oh yeah...I forgot to tell you. The princess turned into a cheese sandwich, wants to turn Purple World yellow, and uh...is trying to dictate the land. So now these idiots want us to save them."  
  
Goofy gave the biggest gasp. "TURN PURPLE WORLD INTO YELLOW?! HOW...HOW COULD THE PRINCESS DO SUCH A THING?!"  
  
Kairi hugged Goofy tighter. "Don't worry, Goofy! With you around, you won't allow them to do such a mean thing to all the Fishies, won't you?"  
  
"O-of course not, Miss Kairi." Goofy answered.  
  
Donald and Riku sweatdropped. Sora began regaining concious once more, which dissapointed Riku.  
  
"What the hell was that for?" Sora moaned.  
  
"You and your whining, that's what." Riku griped. "If you won't stop being such a frickin' baby, I'll do that again."  
  
Sora whimpered, got up, and shut up. For someone wielding such a powerful weapon, he was one to be afriad of a....boat paddle.  
  
Riku smirked, "Good baby-- I mean, boy!"  
  
Sora growled at him, but shrugged it off. "So... where do we find this PRINCESS? And who is that pretty lady?"  
  
Riku sighed, "Search me." He sat down on a rock, and jumped up when he noticed he sat on something. "HOLY BLEEPING CENSORSHIP, WHAT WAS THAT?!?!"  
  
They all looked at the spot where Riku had just almost sat down. Sitting there, was a cheese sandwich.  
  
Everyone sweatdropped, looked at eachother, and then back at the sandwich.  
  
"Oh, for God's sake..." Riku picked up the sandwich.  
  
To everyones' surprise, it started talking, "Well, thank you very much for almost sitting on me!! I take it you don't know who I am! I am the the princess of Purple World, which will soon be yellow!"  
  
Riku started laughing uncontrollably, fell over, and passed out from the laughter.  
  
Sora blinked and picked up the sandwich, "Um... Dear God, now I have to talk to a sandwich."  
  
"And a cheese one on top of that!" Goofy stated.  
  
Kairi walked up to the princess, smiling innocently. "Pretty pretty please will you not turn Purple World into a yellow one? The fish people here would be very unhappy, and my Goofy likes purple."  
  
"Silence!" the princess cried. "You think I'm happy, being a cheese sandwich?! No! I'm turning the world yellow, just like cheese! Then I can rule it all and finnaly be happy! Wuahahahahaha!"  
  
"C'mon, I'm sure nobody cares that you're a cheese sandwich." Sora said. "As long as you rule your kingdom right, and the people love you, how is your life bad?"  
  
The princess began to cry. "..I...I used to be pretty...with long, flowing, purple hair...and a brilliant purple dress...and....my purple castle...but...now I'm a cheese sandwich! And I won't stop untill I become myself again!!!"  
  
"Just wait untill we figure out how to turn you back to yourself, okay?" Sora comforted.  
  
"SILENCE!!" the princess cried once more. "I will never stop as long as I am stuck as a cheese sandwich! So come forth, my wonderful minions, and destroy these fools so we can continue with our plans!!"  
  
"Oh my!" Kairi cried.  
  
"Don't worry Kairi! I'll protect you!" Sora preached.  
  
Then there was silence. Dead silence.   
  
Sora had jumped in front of Kairi and was holding his Keyblade out, and nothing was happening.  
  
They all looked the cheese sandwich... er, princess.  
  
"They'll get here eventually!" She said. "Just, uh, please, wait here until they come to destroy you..."  
  
Everyone sweatdropped, "Yeah right, lady." Riku said, and they all began to walk away.  
  
"HEY!" Sora cried, making everyone stop.  
  
"What?" Kairi whined, "We're trying to run for of lives, here!"  
  
"I have an idea!"  
  
Everyone starred blankly at Sora.  
  
"My God, his brain does work." Donald stated.  
  
"Well, let's hear it, hero boy." Riku spat.  
  
"Let's try and turn princess ham-n-cheese back into the Purple Princess she once was!"  
  
"Well no shit, Sherlock." Riku spat.   
  
"Yeah, but how?" Donald asked, which left the group in silence once more.  
  
For a moment it seemed as if there was no hope. Untill...  
  
"Wait a minute," Riku broke into the silence. "Maybe that wierdo Gerbil fellow could help."  
  
"Huh? Gerbil fellow?" Kairi questioned.  
  
"Yeah..that's how we all got our...er...'weapons'..." Riku explained. "Maybe he knows how to do something to help."  
  
'Dammit Riku! Always trying to make yourself look better in front of Kairi!' Sora yelled in his mind.  
  
The princess continued muttering things about her minions comming soon, and that they will all be destroyed soon. But nobody really cared.  
  
"So, where to we find this fellow?" Goofy asked.  
  
"Hmmm...I don't know. We'll have to look for him, I guess." Riku answered.  
  
"Or how about we just destroy these nincompoops, show the princess what we're made of, and maybe she'll back off!" Sora suggested, more then ready to fight and protect Kairi.  
  
Riku pushed Sora out of the way of the place everyone was looking to see someone talk.  
  
"All in favor of fighting the chesse minions?"   
  
Nobody did anything.  
  
"All in favor of her turning her back?"  
  
Everyone except Riku and Sora said "I!".   
  
"Aw, too bad, that's the majority. I was in favor of eating her, myself." Riku stepped over of the way. "Okie, let's try..."  
  
3 And A Half Hours Later  
  
"MY GODDESS!" Sora screeched and fell over. "We've been trying all kinds of magic and tricks and, and CRAP for 3 hours and nothing's working!!!"  
  
"Technically, it's been three and a half." Goofy corrected.  
  
"SHUT UP, DOG... THING!" Sora screamed.  
  
"Arhg, come on, stupid, stupid..." The princess muttered. "D-don't worry! They'll be comming aaaaaaany minute now!"  
  
"Right, you hold on to that thought." Riku answered.   
  
"Yeah, and there's no way in heavenly fried frosted jelly beans with chocolate jello that I'm seeking a mere GERBIL for help!" Sora said.  
  
"Oh, Goofy, you must have some sort of an idea in that smart brain of yours!" Kairi assured. Riku and Sora had to stifle a laugh though, knowing he wasn't called Goofy for nothing.  
  
"Well, Miss Kairi, I don't know..." Goofy replied.   
  
Kairi hugged on tighter. "Don't worry! I know you'll come up with something soon!"  
  
Donald waved around his 'scythe' for a moment, wanting to break it into a million pieces. "I don't know what it is, but for some reason my magic just won't work!!"  
  
"...But nooooOOOOooo....nobody wants to listen to me..." Sora told himself. "They just go 'like, wow, maybe RIKU'S idea will work instead of Sora's!'" He kicked his foot on the ground, kicking up some dust. "Well ya know what?! I'm just going to shut up when it comes to GREAT IDEAS like mine! Nope! Even if you're on the brink of death, because by then you'll realize that you should've listened to ME!"  
  
"Sora will you SHUT UP?!" Riku screamed.  
  
Kairi looked sideways at Sora "Sora, stop talking to yourself."  
  
Sora sighed and sat down, arms and legs crossed, "For you, Kairi... anything."  
  
Kairi hugged Goofy tighter, "C'mon, Goofy, you have to help us! PLEASE, think of something!"  
  
Goofy scratched his head, "Well, Gwarsh, I'm thinking Miss Kairi, but... I can't seem to come up with anything useful."  
  
Riku kicked Goofy in the head, "Well, DUH!"  
  
Kairi kicked Riku in the head, "DON'T TOUCH MY GOOFY!"  
  
Sora started laughing so hard he fell over, and accidentally squished the princess, who was for some reason sitting behind him. "Uh... oops."  
  
Donald's eyes got really wide, "SORA! You idiot! You squished the princess!"  
  
Sora sighed, "Really?" he picked the princess up, "Can you hear me, ham and cheese?"  
  
The sandwich suddenly jumped into Sora's face and began suffocating him. Sora tried in vain to scream, but, y'know, couldn't, because he was being suffocated!  
  
Riku's eyes widened, "Uh..."  
  
---------------------------------------- 


	4. Saving the Day, and Off to Another

Kingdom Hearts: The End that Never Happened  
Chapter 4  
  
You guys are really gonna love this one :D  
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"Woah, I didn't think a cheese sandwich could do that!" Kairi said, amazed.  
  
"Ah well, it'll do for the good of all of us." Riku explained. "Shall we continue?"  
  
"GMPT THSH TMNG FF MHH!" Sora cried through the princess's grasp.  
  
Goofy scratched his head. "I didn't understand a word he just said."  
  
"I don't think anybody else did either." Riku replied.   
  
It was nothing but amusing to see Sora dancing around, yelling in muffled words and trying to pry off a cheese sandwich who was trying to kill him.   
  
"I don't know, I think it would be such an unhornorable death if he died because a cheese sandwich SUFFOCATED him..." Kairi meeped.   
  
Sora, running out of ideas, took a bite out of the sandwich. The princess screamed and there was a very fancy flash of light. Sora fell over backwards, right into Kairi and Goofy.   
  
After the light and smoke show dissappeared, a VERY pretty lady was standing there. And, it wasn't the pretty lady who kept appearing to them before.   
  
This pretty lady was in purple, with purple hair, and had very pale skin. She looked around, then down at herself, and then back at everyone. She let out a squeal of delight and glomped Sora.  
  
"THANK YOU SOOOOOOO MUCH!!!"   
  
Riku blinked, "Heh, whatta know... We could have just eaten her... I need to lay down."  
  
Suddenly, dust kicked up in the background of the landscape (that sounded weird Oo;). A slow rumbled started.  
  
"Uh... What's that?" Donald asked.  
  
"Oh, I SEE HOW IT IS." The princess griped. "Right when I get turned back into normal, now my idiotic cheese minions come!"  
  
"Um, this isn't good, right?" Sora asked.  
  
The princess scratched her head. "Don't think so. Now that I'm not a cheese sandwich anymore, the minions who dedicated their lives to the yellow-ness of cheese won't listen to me now. And, well, that's gonna suck, because now they're going to wreak havoc in Purple World!" The princess fell to her knees and began crying. "Oh what ever am I going to doooo-hoo-hoo-hooo!?"   
  
"See you moron!" Sora shouted at Riku. "I told you we should've stayed and fought them!"  
  
"Oh what difference does it make?!" Riku shouted back.  
  
Kairi clinged onto Goofy like static electricity. "Oh Goofy, you'll protect me, right?!"  
  
"Uh, sure, Miss Kairi..." Goofy answered.  
  
"Oh, I knew I could count on you!" Kairi gave him the biggest hug...ever...which might explain why a few of his vital organs got squeezed out of him. But that's beside the point.  
  
Then, whatdya know, the evil cheese minions of the ex-cheese sandwich princess arrived. "Muwahaha! We are here to serve our great cheese sandwich princess, and turn all of Purple World into a yellow one, dictate the land, and turn all the fish people into our slaves! BWAHAHAHAH!"  
  
"No way, man!" Sora demaned, showing off his Keyblade. "Not while I'm here!"  
  
Riku blinked. "Sora, how the hell are we supposed to fight them when our best weapons are a boat paddle, a golf club, and some....I don't even know what those are."  
  
"But I got my cross bow!" Kairi pointed out.  
  
"I bet you don't have the least bit clue how to use them." Riku said.  
  
Kairi's eyes widened. She looked REALLY pissed.   
  
"Why don't I show you?!?!?!" She pointed the crossbow at his head.  
  
Riku blinked and backed away, "JUST KIDDING! I SWEAR! You know I love you, Kairi."   
  
Kairi walked up to him and kicked him in the nuts, "WELL TO BAD! Because I love Goofy!"   
  
Riku's eyes filled with tears. He dropped over to one side and clasped his legs together. "Mommy..."  
  
Sora kicked Riku in the head, "Baby. Get up, we have cheese minions to fight!"   
  
"HEY!?!?!" Riku jumped up and looked Sora square in the eye, a very LARGE vien budging from his head, "WHY HASN'T ANYONE KICKED YOU YET?! This story is mainly Sora-torture!"  
  
Sora looked at the authors, "WHAT?!?!?!"  
  
The authors waved merrily.  
  
"Hehehe, deal with it combless boy!" And they ran in different directions.  
  
Donald came up behind him and smacked Sora in the head with his sword, "IDIOT! Now you made the authors leave! We have NO backup what-so-ever, and cheese minions are attacking!"  
  
"WELL EXCUSE ME!!" Sora screamed, "BUT THE CHEESE MINIONS DON'T SEEM TO BE DOING ANYTHING AT THE MOMENT, DO THEY?!"  
  
Everyone looked at the cheese minions.  
  
"HOLY HEARTLESS!" Riku yelped.  
  
"Wak!! Help!!" The princess cried as she was held hostage by one of the bigger cheese minions. (How...original.)  
  
"Now look what you did!" Donald screeched. "All thanks to your beeyotchin' instead of helping Sora, you gave them time to capture the princess! Now we have more things to worry about!"  
  
"Shut up, duck, before you become tonight's dinner!" Riku threatened.  
  
Donald gave Riku a death glare that would make even Sephiroth proud, but even so, Riku was too concerned about other things to care.  
  
Sora waved around his Keyblade, making it all sparkly and spiffy and stuff. "Allright guys! Let's be prepared to fight these cheese nips! And somebody look after the princess!"  
  
"Nyaa! I'm scared!" Kairi cried. "Goofy, hold me!"   
  
So that's exactly what Goofy did. And, uh, it made Sora really pissed.   
  
"Allright, fools." The cheese minion with the princess roared. "Surrendur yourselfs before we are forced to take extreme percautions with you."  
  
"Extreme Precautions? What the hell do you mean about extreme precautions?" Riku yelled, holding out his boat paddle.  
  
Goofy blinked and looked down at Kairi, "Why don't we just explain that the purple lady over there is actually their beloved cheese princess, but we were able to change her back, but... uh, taking a bite out of her?"  
  
"Wait, what was that, sir?" One the minions asked.  
  
Goofy repeated his stupid statement.  
  
"Oh, it's good then. Pip, pip, cheerio, we're off." The cheese minions started to walk away.   
  
The other started at them dumbfounded.   
  
"Uh..." Riku blinked.  
  
Well, that was easy..." Sora added.  
  
"Thank you so much!" The princess congradulated. "You are forever in my debt for saving Purple World and all of the civilians here! How could I ever repay you?"  
  
Kairi scratched her head. "I dunno, I was kind of in the mood for a cheese sandwich, or even pizza.... oooh...string cheese sounds good..."  
  
"Well, that's a nice thing to say after the princess was cheese herself..." Sora replied.  
  
"What?" Kairi asked. "I can't help it if I love cheese!" Kairi paused for a moment, gasped, and hugged Goofy once more. "But of course, not more than you, Goofy!"  
  
"Right, uh..." Riku paused for a moment. "So now that we saved this cheesy excuse for a town..."  
  
Suddenly, the original pretty lady appeared, wearing a smile accross your face. "You have completed your first objective! Now you must complete something elsewhere..."  
  
"WHAT!?" The whole group gasped.  
  
Sora looked ready to fall over, "Pretty lady... You CAN kill me now, right?"  
  
The Pretty Lady rolled her eyes, "No, dumbass. You have to finish saving my world!"  
  
Riku blinked, "Judging from how evil I was in the game, and by how peaceful people would sometimes turn into evil people, we'll probably have to..." He ran over to the Purple Princess, "Weakness, please?"  
  
The Princess blinked, "Uh... Poprocks?"  
  
"NOTED!" Riku pointed to his head and ran to the other, "Okay, Pretty Lady, what do we have to do?"  
  
Evidentally, the other group had been in the middle of a conversation while Riku had been away. Kairi was crying and hugging Sora, Sora was looking around embarrassedly, and Goofy was lying on the ground, Donald standing over him.   
  
Riku looked at the Pretty Lady. She shrugged, "He was getting on my nerves."   
  
Riku blinked, "Anyway--"  
  
Kairi wailed. Sora flinched. "GOOFY~~~~~!"  
  
The Pretty Lady coughed. "How about we continue this without any more distractions, please?" She said it a little loud, purposely wanting the group to hear. Of course, everyone shut up. "Thank you. Now, you must complete another objective. So, be off!!"  
  
In a swirl of colors and all that fancy stuff, the group had been transported to another world. It seemed disturbingly pretty, with a nice little rainbow, dark green grass, spiffy trees that sprouted here and there, pretty flowers of all sorts of colors, even bunnies and butterflies to top it off.   
  
"Oh...my god." Riku gasped, in fear of a certain somebody jumping about.  
  
"My, my, isn't it a beautiful day?" Donald pointed out.   
  
"Yep!" Goofy chimed.  
  
Riku rolled his eyes and turned around to see how Kairi and Sora would respond...only to say...  
  
"FOR THE LOVE OF WALT DISNEY!!!"   
  
Sora blinked, "What's wrong with yo-- Uh... Why is my voice so high?"  
  
Kairi looked over at him, "SHEET!" Noticing a raspyness in her voice, she looked down, "Ah.. ah... AHHHHHHH!!! NO!!!"  
  
Sora blinked, "WHAT? WHA~AT?" His voice cracked, got steadily higher. He looked down and screamed very shrilly. "I'M A GIRL!"  
  
Kairi looked about ready to faint, "AND I'M A GUY! HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?!?!"  
  
Riku starred at them. And the continued starring. Then he began laughing. Laughing so hard he fell over and actually rolling around on the ground.   
  
Donald sighed unhappily, "Well, now I've seen everything."  
  
Kairi has sat down on a rock and started crying. Sora was trying to descretly look down his own shirt.  
  
Sora's eyes widened, "Holy crap..."   
  
Kairi's eye's widened, "SORA!" She... er, HE threw the crossbow at Sora...  
  
"Ow," Sora whined as Kairi's crossbow thonked Sora over the head.   
  
"OOH! OOH! OOH!" Riku shouted in excitement. "Wait untill Tidus and Wakka hear about THIS!!"  
  
"You WOULDEN'T!" Sora yelled. "This is INSANE. It's UNHUMANE! This goes against my RIGHTS!"  
  
Kairi was about to say something, untill he (lol) realized one thing. He moved his head towards Goofy, who was jumping through the flowers like a little kid, and his eye started twitching as if a fly just flew into it. Kairi was a guy. Goofy was a guy. This definately wasn't good. So of course, Kairi fell on his knees and starting crying like a little girl.   
  
"Uh, Kairi, what's wrong?"  
  
"I-I...I just realized! I'm a guy now!!" Kairi cried. "Which means...!"   
  
It didn't take long to figure it out. Not only was Riku cracking up, but Sora couldn't help but laugh, while Donald was in disgust and Goofy continued prancing.  
  
"SHEET!" Riku yelled, still laughing... "Kairi... You are a gay man!"   
  
Kairi immeditally stopped crying. His (XD This is gonna be hard to remember) head snapped up and he glarred at Riku. He jumped up, stormed over to him, and kicked him in the head. Riku screamed and fell over backwards. Kairi started laughing happily, but once again realized she was a guy from ehr deep voice, and started crying again...  
  
Sora sighed and scratched her head, "Geez, if I didn't know better I would think she still had... female... hormones..." Sora blinked. "Hey, since I'm now a girl, and like Kairi... Does that mean I'm gay, but..." He blinked again, "But, I'm a girl now, so that means I'm straight, but I'm really attrached to a boy, when I, myself, am really a boy, and Kairi is now a guy... But, I'm really a guy... And..."  
  
Donald wacked him the back of the head, "SHUT UP!"  
  
Sora started to cry too, and screamed, "WHY DOES EVERYONE ALWAYS HIT ME?!?!?!?"  
  
The Pretty Lady appeared again. "Allright, folks, now it's time for your next course of action."  
  
"Is it just me, or are you doing this out of pure amusement?" Donald asked.   
  
"What?" the Pretty Lady questioned. "You think I want to do this? My world is in much danger, and in order for you to save it, you must...uh... complete other things, I guess."  
  
"But why a CHANGE IN GENDER?!" Kairi squealed. "I don't wanna be a guy! I don't want to have to live like this!!"  
  
Sora stood up and brushed some grass off her new skirt. (:D) "I don't think I'll ever get used to this..." Sora looked down and winced. "How do girls walk around like THIS?"  
  
Kairi beamed another glare at Sora. "Hey you, watch what you're saying!"  
  
Sora rolled her eyes in a very girly fashion. Riku stifled a laugh.  
  
The Pretty Lady waved her hand. "And now, I am going to inform you of something...important."  
  
"Huh, like what?" Riku asked.   
  
"From this point on, in all the different worlds you visit, you must collect very, very valuble items." The Pretty Lady answered. "In order for any outsiders to be able to get into my world, you must collect the Eight Holy Onion Rings of Ultamite Cool-ness."  
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End file.
